Joke And Quotes

This guilt is a joke, and it's exhausting to watch you martyr yourself.
- Ann Aguirre

There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere.
- Mose Allison

Here's a tip. If you touch a girl, even as joke, and she pushes you off, leave... her... alone. Don't touch her. Anywhere! Just stop. Your touch does nothing but sicken her.
- Jay Asher

I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.
- Dave Attell

I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.
- Dave Attell

If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
- Rita Rudner

He felt as if he had told a joke and they had missed the punchline and were leaning to him, wating for the kicker, the all-illuminating kicker that is found only in jokes; or as if someone had asked, "How you doing?" and the spring-and-strap arrangement in him had rusted and broken and he would never again be able to answer perfunctory questions the way other people did.
- Peter S Beagle

I always joke and say I want to invent a comfortable stiletto and then retire.
- Sara Blakely

Writing a book has about it some of the anxiety of telling a joke and having to wait several years to know whether or not it was funny.
- Alain De Botton

The humanists' replacement for religion: work really hard and somehow you'll either save yourself or you'll be immortal. Of course, that's a total joke, and our progress is nothing. There may be progress in technology but there's no ethical progress whatsoever.
- David Bowie

You remember having friends who used to lampoon the world so effortlessly, crouching at the verge of every joke and waiting to pounce on it, and you remember how they changed as they grew older and the joy of questioning everything slowly became transformed into the pain of questioning everything, like a star consuming its own core.
- Kevin Brockmeier

At one point, they offered me this part to play a drug-dealing, gun-selling butch lady. I don't know how to describe her but she had like a crew cut and stuff. I was like, 'Is this a joke?' And they said, 'No, we think it would be great because everyone would be like, 'Oh, look at what we've done to Charlotte.' I was like, 'Well I can't do that!'
- Kristin Davis

Shame about how we're gonna die here, though. I mean, seriously. An Arab
and a half-Jew enter a store in Tennessee. It's the beginning of a joke, and the punch line is sodomy''.
- John Green

My Lord told me a joke. And seeing Him laugh has done more for me than any scripture I will ever read.
- Meister Eckhart

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself.
- Clifton Paul Fadiman

We feel that what's too far is when you make a joke and somebody gets hurt.
- Bobby Farrelly

Life is a cruel, horrible joke and I am the punch line.
- Carrie Fisher

He wrote, You're being crazy. You're going to catch a cold.
I already have a cold.
You are going to catch a colder.
I could not believe he was making a joke. And I could not believe I laughed.
- Jonathan Safran Foer

I believe that life is a game, life is a cruel joke and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it.
- Neil Gaiman

I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it.
- Neil Gaiman

I believe tht life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it.
- Neil Gaiman

Because Buffy really has become the straight man, every once in a while it's nice to be the one that tells the joke and it's nice to be the one that is the joke and it's nice to do something that's a little bit different.
- Sarah Michelle Gellar

People confuse the subject of the joke with the target of the joke, and they're very rarely the same.
- Ricky Gervais

We don't want to lose you Lord Rahl. We don't want to go back to way things were." She sounded on the verge of tears. "We like being able to do simple things, like make a joke, and laugh. We could never do such things before. We always lived in fear that if we said the wrong thing we would be beaten, or worse. Now that we have seen another way, we don't want to go back to that. If you throw your life away for the Midlands, then we will.- Cara
- Terry Goodkind

Oh, something is there, waiting for me. Perhaps someday the revelation will burst upon me and I will see the other side of this monumental grotesque joke. And then I'll laugh. And then I'll know what life is.
- Sylvia Plath

All he cares about is going out there with his Jack Daniels bottle. Nothing has changed. That's kind of sad. If David was doing better than he used to be, then that would be different. But it was a joke and he made it that way.
- Sammy Hagar

Sometimes my colleagues joke and call me Hannah.
- Hanoi Hannah

Please don't joke and bleed at the same time.
- Rachel Hawkins

Yesterday, at the company party, I made a joke and everyone laughed and said, "Hey, now there's the Jarod Kintz we all know and love." and I smiled, but inside I thought, "Actually, the Jarod Kintz you know and love was my clone, who I had to murder because he kept eating all my leftovers.
- Jarod Kintz

Griff held his breath, waiting for it, knowing the axe would fall and he'd start dying as soon as he walked out the fucking door, and Dante would just grin and joke and try to forget what they had done together in this room.
- Damon Suede

I think that every show on television has its place. I think Married With Children or, I don't know, The Nanny... some people want to go home, turn on the TV and be able to iron their clothes or grab a sandwich. Come out and catch a joke and not have to follow the story.
- Peter Krause

It sometimes seemed to him that for love to work, it had to be fair, that he should tell only half the joke, and she the other half. Otherwise, it would not be love, but something completely elsepity or entertainment, or stand-up comedy.
- Tao Lin

Now, everybody, I suppose, is aware that in recent years the silly business of divination by dreams has ceased to be a joke and has become a very serious science.
- Arthur Machen

Maybe I was what Leah thought she was. Some kind of dead end that shouldn't be passed on to another generation. Or maybe it was just that my life was a big, cruel joke, and there was no escape from the punch line. -Jacob
- Stephenie Meyer

When I told him on the phone that after all you and I would not be getting married, he said "Oh-oh. Do you think you'll ever manage to get another one?" If I'd objected to his saying that he would naturally have said it was a joke. And it was a joke. I have not managed to get another one but perhaps have not been in the best condition to try.
- Alice Munro

I think that the joke and the ghost story both have a similar set up in that you kind of set something up and pay it off with a laugh or a scare.
- Simon Pegg

I don't really know what is shocking. When you tell the story of a man who is beheaded, you have to show how they cut off his head. If you don't, it's like telling a dirty joke and leaving out the punch line.
- Roman Polanski

Lacroix has been fantastic. He's very nice. He gets the joke, and I think that's a good thing.
- Jennifer Saunders

I would go down to the kitchen, saying 'How do you do?' to whoever I met there:...'How are you, Mrs. Cakebread?' (That was the cook: that really was her name, it wasn't a joke and no-one laughed it it.)
- Sarah Waters

I have always noticed that deeply and truly religious persons are fond of a joke, and I am suspicious of those who aren't.
- Alfred North Whitehead

You learn to kid around and joke and not take things too seriously because somehow its all gonna work out for the best - or you're gonna make it work out.
- Jack Youngblood