When the doors of opportunity swing open, we must make sure that we are not too drunk or too indifferent to walk through. - Jesse Jackson The two waiters inside the cafe knew that theo ld man was a little drunk, and while he was a good client they knew that if he became too drunk he would leave without paying, so they kept watch on him. Last week he tried to commit suicide," one waiter said. Why?" He was in despair." What about?" Nothing." How do you know it was nothing." He has plenty of money. - Ernest Hemingway I'm too drunk to recall much of what I've said. Which, come to think of it, is probably just as well, judging by the way people who are normally quite sensible dissolve into gibbering, rude, opinionated and bombastic idiots once the alcohol molecules in their bloom-stream outnumber the neutrons, or whatever. Luckily, one only notices this if one stays sober oneself, so the solution is as pleasant (at the time, at least) as it is obviou...

Do you miss Wales?" Tessa inquired. Will shrugged lightly. "What's to miss? Sheep and singing," he said. "And the ridiculous language. Fe hoffwn i fod mor feddw, fyddai ddim yn cofio fy enw." "What does that mean?" "It means 'I wish to get so drunk I no longer remember my own name,' Quite useful. - Cassandra Clare I had never, ever drunk beer in high school, and by the time I got to Tech we were having these parties out in the cotton fields and getting so drunk. I was the champion beer drinker; suddenly I was pouring it down my throat... Insane! Insane! - Bob Livingston The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. - P J Orourke Kissing a rose is a dumb thing to do not just from the rose's point of view. But it's a start like driving off a cliff's probably a finish. In beween you'...

When I'm drunk with feeling and nature is drinking from my lips and we reflect each other in our atmospheres, then my words come effortlessly and my fingers go into labor...day or night. - Brandi L Bates You okay? Anton asks, looking at me like he's trying to figure out if I'm drunk. His plans depend on me. I look as blank as possible and hope that it freaks him out. No point in my being the only miserable one. - Holly Black I think computers ought to have a key called I'M DRUNK, and when you push it, it prevents you from sending email for twelve hours. I've got another one: a key called FUCK OFF. You press it every time your computer does something annoying -- in turn this would somehow force your computer to experience pain. And if you pushed SHIFT/FUCK OFF, you'd end up with FUCK OFF AND DIE, the computer equivalent of a razor being raked across your nipples. - Douglas Coupland Don't think I'm talking nonsense because I'm drunk. I'm not a ...

And I sat there getting drunker and drunker and more in love and more in love. - Donald Barthelme Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk. - Ambrose Bierce Getting drunk was good. I decided that I would always like getting drunk. It took away the obvious and maybe if you could get away from the obvious often enough, you wouldn't become so obvious yourself. - Charles Bukowski Want to talk third wave feminism, you could cite Ariel Levy and the idea that women have internalized male oppression. Going to spring break at Fort Lauderdale, getting drunk, and flashing your breasts isn't an act of personal empowerment. It's you, so fashioned and programmed by the construct of patriarchal society that you no longer know what's best for yourself. A damsel too dumb to even know she's in distress. - Chuck Palahniuk Me, I'd prefer to have a good reputation rather than getting press for being scandalous, getting drunk in pub...

What's the difference between bulimics and anorexics?" I ask. "Anorexics are anorexics all the time," she says, "I'm only bulimic when I'm throwing up." Wow. She sounds just like my dad! "I'm only an alcoholic when I get drunk." There are all kinds of addicts, I guess. We all have pain. And we all look for ways to make the pain go away. Penelope gorges on her pain and then throws it up and flushes it away. My dad drinks his pain away. (107) - Sherman Alexie I can't believe he didn't have the dignity and presence of mind just to get drunk and pass out in some gutter," said Jace. "I must say, I'm disappointed in the little fellow. - Cassandra Clare Im's offspring stare at stars and make clocks that calculate useless happenings like the angle of a hawk's claws as it strikes its prey. They demonstrate their contraptions and everyone marvels. My children get drunk, confuse a herd of cows with an enemy regimen...

I am the person who is a mother against drunk driver. - Tracey Gold After the crash happened, I was so humiliated and embarrassed. I thought of Mothers Against Drunk Drivers, that they must hate me. - Tracey Gold You died in your sleep? Drunk driver? Cancer,huh? World war? Well...yeah those deaths are great and all,but wait till I tell you what happened to me. Yeah...that's right...I said kraken. - Colleen Houck Stop a drunk driver and you stop a murderereven if he hasn't killed anyone yet. In all the alternate universes, the odds are he's already killedand will kill again. - Jarod Kintz A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive. - Demetri Martin

A desperate plea to the Trinity is not something you can just apologize for in the morning -Drunk Dialing the Divine - Amber Koneval Pamela Anderson : 'He called and called, leaving about twenty messages, just drunk dialing. One of them was him singing his version of the Oscar Mayer theme song: "My baloney has a first name, it's L-A-R-G-E. My baloney has a second name, it's P-E-N-I-S. I like to use it every day and if you ask me why, I'll saaay, 'Cuz my Large Penis has a way with P-U-S-S-Y today!" Actually that was the message that got me interested. - Tommy Lee Isn't there a danger with Tweeting, like drunk dialing? Isn't there a drunk Tweeting danger? - Julianna Margulies