The joke of our time is the suicide of intention.
- Theodor Adorno
The joke's on them. One little hypodermic wont' be enough. Split a piece of wood, and they'll find me. Lift up a stone, and they'll find me. Look in the mirror, and they'll find me...If you really want to know what makes someone a killer, ask yourself what would make you do it.
- Jodi Picoult
I have never fit into this town, this marriage, this skin. I am the child who was picked last to play tag; I am the girl who laughed although she did not get the joke; I am the piecemeal part of you that you pretend doesn't exist, except it is all I am, all the time.
- Jodi Picoult
And spare me the jokes about scoring."
"Dammit, woman, you read my mind," he said. "Is there no filthy wordplay you can't forsee?"
"It's my special magical power. I can read your mind when you're thinking dirty thoughts."
"So, ninety-five percent of the time.
- Cassandra Clare
My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories, that was my brother Ed. As a child, I just absorbed everything they said, and I was always in competition for the laughs.
- Stephen Colbert
The trouble with the jokes is that once they're written, I know how they're supposed to work, and all I can do is not hit them. I'm more comfortable improvising. If I have just two or three ideas and I know how the character feels, what the character wants, everything in between is like trapeze work.
- Stephen Colbert
Oh Christ, the exhaustion of not knowing anything. It's so tiring and hard on the nerves. It really takes it out of you, not knowing anything. You're given comedy and miss all the jokes. Every hour you get weaker. Sometimes, as I sit alone in my flat in London and stare at the window, I think how dismal it is, how heavy, to watch the rain and not know why it falls.
- Martin Amis
Is that how tall you are without those ridiculas shoes?' he said derisively. I think I was born bigger than that.'
'I bet you were. Five feet of fat head and two inches of a**,' Claire muttered, standing up.
'Claire!' Helen blurted out, shocked. Lucas's shoulders were shaking with laughter. Jason pretended to take the joke OK, but Helen suspected his feelings were hurt.
- Josephine Angelini
One of my biggest problems with comedy was that I did not understand some of the jokes.
- Desi Arnaz
Guys will definitely settle for women who get the joke. But a woman who can make you laugh? It's not high on a guy's must list. Perhaps it should be.
- Hank Azaria
I can tell we're going to get along like Batman and the Joker. (Fang)
Just remember one thing, world. I'm the best friend you'll ever have or the last enemy you'll ever make. (Thorn)
- Sherrilyn Kenyon
In life there are always these things happening if you can just get the joke.
- Lynda Barry
I never believe them when they say that because you really have to sort of be aware of what's going on in the news in order to get the jokes on the show.
- Samantha Bee
I will do almost anything for the sake of a joke or for the sake of someone's real belief in something to help tell a story. I will not do something shocking for the sake of being nasty. If it's not hurting anyone's feelings, I'm in on the joke.
- Selma Blair
Generally speaking, we get the joke. We know that the free market is nonsense. We know that the whole point is to game the system, to beat the market or at least find someone who will pay you a lot of money, 'cause they're convinced that there is a free lunch.
- Ron Bloom
What the joke displays is a switch in perception. This is important in changing the way we think.
- Edward De Bono
She'd stood by that creed. No softness, because the world wasn't soft; lots of laughter, because if you were in on the joke, the joke couldn't be on you; And no wanting what you couldn't take, because the world never gave.
Or so she'd thought.
- Connie Brockway
The most casual examination will reveal the fact that all the jokes about the horrible results of masculine cooking and sewing are written by men. It is all part of a great scheme of sex propaganda.
- Heywood Broun
He who laughs last... just didn't get the joke.
- Carroll Bryant
The joke is, we all have the same punchline.
- Chuck Palahniuk
The joke or the pratfall is easy for me to do.
- Sandra Bullock
[He]... watches the Joker rising from his wheelchair, the way a rabbit watches car headlights bearing down, unable to move a single, spotlit muscle. The madman's limbs appear to unlatch as though some psychotic god has chosen to give life to a complicated Swiss Army knife. The Joker's head rotates... the green lasers of his eyes target the keys at the big man's belt, and he shakes his head.
- Grant Morrison
Afraid? Batman's not afraid of anything. It's me. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that The Joker may be right about me. Sometimes...I question the rationality of my actions. And I'm afraid that when I walk through those asylum gates... when I walk into Arkham and the doors close behind me... it'll be just like coming home.
- Grant Morrison
Enough madness? Enough? And how do you measure madness? - The Joker
- Grant Morrison
The joke that I make is that there are instances on the TV series that happen to me, - except on Sex and the City they always make it better or worse than real life and I am actually saying that in a joking way.
- Candace Bushnell
I'm the youngest of four, and I'm always the clown - making the jokes, wanting attention.
- Rose Byrne
it will be generally found that the popular joke is not true to the letter, but is true to the spirit. The joke is generally in the oddest way the truth and yet not the fact.
- Gilbert K Chesterton
All the jokes about men sitting down on their hats are really theological jokes; they are concerned with the Dual Nature of Man. They refer to the primary paradox that man is superior to all the things around him and yet is at their mercy.
- Gilbert K Chesterton
The men who made the joke saw something deep which they could not express except by something silly and emphatic.
- Gilbert K Chesterton
The joke is generally in the oddest way the truth and yet not the fact.
- Gilbert K Chesterton
Listen up. You're in trouble. Word is the Capitol's furious about you showing them up in the arena. The one thing they can't stand is being laughed at and they're the joke of Panem
- Suzanne Collins
So, whenever Scooter was the Pilot, he never had a chance to fly the orbiter. So, the joke is: I'm going to have a chance to fly it first and hand it over to him.
- Duane G Carey
One of the jokes on our flight is that, if we have a normal entry day going, the plan is for me... to actually take the orbiter first and fly it for maybe 10 or 15 seconds and then hand it on over to Scooter.
- Duane G Carey
Yeah, a lot more than he likes you," said Oh. It didn't look like Milo appreciated the joke very much.
"That's debatable," said Milo.
"Is not," said Oh.
She leaned in and put her pink cast against my cheek, kissing me quickly on the lips.
"That's incredibly unfair. If we were gay you'd be up a creek without a paddle. You wouldn't even be in the game."
"He's right, you know," I said.
"Aw. You guys are having a bromance. That's really cute.
- Patrick Carman
The Joker's henchmen break into the museum and empty the display cases; this occurs repeatedly, again and again: finally it can be reckoned upon beforehand and becomes a part of the exhibition.
- Jonathan Lethem
In 1945, peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again.
- Graham Chapman
Speech destroys the function of love, I think-that's a hell of a thing for a writer to say, I guess, but I believe it to be true. If you speak to tell a deer you mean it no harm, it glides away with a single flip of its tail. Love has teeth; they bite; the wounds never close. No word, no combination of words can close those love bites. it's the other way around, that's the joke. If those wounds dry up, the words die with them.
- Stephen King
Science is a bit like the joke about the drunk who is looking under a lamppost for a key that he has lost on the other side of the street, because that's where the light is. It has no other choice.
- Noam Chomsky
Little fussy Otto, in his red-lined black opera cloak with pockets for all his gear, his shiny black shoes, his carefully cut widow's peak and, not least, his ridiculous accent that grew thicker or thinner depending on who he was talking to, did not look like a threat. He looked funny, a joke, a music-hall vampire. It had never previously occurred to Vimes that, just possibly, the joke was on other people.
- Terry Pratchett
I am the illegal alien of commentary. I will do the jokes that no one else will do.
- Ann Coulter
I also try to think of ways to articulate the joke more economically.
- David Cross
In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before.
- Frank Dane
The joke I wanted to put into one of the promos for this new season, was to have a guy come up to me and say, Hey! Tony! I love your show, I've watched you every night since you started! And then I'd say, Ah! You're the one!
- Tony Danza
The jokes are great but what really matters for a comedian is his performance, his whole attitude, and the laughs that he gets between the jokes rather than on top of the jokes.
- Jack Dee
The studying, the books, exams, arguments, theories. The jokes and pints, laughter, kisses and songs. Life was like running, ninety percent sweat and toil, ten per cent joy.
- Siobhan Dowd
Once an actor told me he went to the Shakespeare School of Acting, and I said, 'I went to the Shakespeare of Acting, too' and he said, 'Oh really?' And I said, 'I went to Shakespeare Elementary School in Chicago.' He didn't take the joke well, he didn't laugh and didn't think it was funny - I thought it was funny. It's all the same to me.
- Michael Clarke Duncan
Americans do believe in progress and there is almost certainly a kernel of truth in the joke.
- Alan Dundes
The joke I always make about myself is that I'm self-involved, but I'm not vain.
- Lena Dunham
There must be some kind of way out of here,' said the joker to the thief..
- Bob Dylan
You can trust a Neil Simon script. Every dot. Every dash; that pause means something. He takes all the jokes out, practically.
- Hector Elizondo
Never be afraid to laugh at yourself. After all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
- Dame Edna Everage
A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself.
- Clifton Paul Fadiman
Well, there are conjoined twins in real life and we can tell a story about them so long as they're not the brunt of the jokes. In this, they're the heroes of this story; we love these guys.
- Bobby Farrelly
I don't think I could ever do a network sitcom because the humor is often based on some trite circumstance. I don't want to be a part of a show where it's mostly about coming up with the jokes.
- Sherilyn Fenn
You all watched a sketch about feminism and you didn't even know it because of all the jokes. It's like when Jessica Seinfeld puts spinach in kids' brownies. Suckers!
- Tina Fey
Johnny Carson started the jokes about me and Marlin in his monologues.
- Jim Fowler
When I was 14, I thought I was the coolest kid in school because I told everyone the jokes in FHM.
- Megan Fox
Strider's bedroom The only thing hanging on the wall that wasn't a weapon was the portrait just over the bed. No. Not true, he thought then. The portrait was a weapon, too. Of seduction. In it Strider was utterly naked and whisking through the cloads like an avenging angel. He was holding a teddy bear in one hand and a stream of pink ribbons in the other. Anya had given him the nearly life-size monstrasity as a joke. But the joke was on her. He loved the thing.
- Gena Showalter
I have gone around observing your activities from the outside. Because of this I have also been able to see things to which you have been blind... Every morning you have gone to work, but you have never been fully awake. Of course, you have seen the sun and the moon, the stars in the sky, and everything that moves, but you haven't really seen it at all. It is different for the Joker, because he was put into this world with a flaw: He sees too clearly and too much.
- Jostein Gaarder
Because Buffy really has become the straight man, every once in a while it's nice to be the one that tells the joke and it's nice to be the one that is the joke and it's nice to do something that's a little bit different.
- Sarah Michelle Gellar
But marrying within one's own family can get monotonous. One has heard all the same family stories, knows all the jokes and all the same recipes. No novelty.
- Margaret George
People confuse the subject of the joke with the target of the joke, and they're very rarely the same.
- Ricky Gervais
No- it was the best. Kind of joint where everyone checked their worries at the door. The beer was cold, the jokes came easy, we could smell the ocean, and everyone was always happy to be there.
- Anna Godbersen
Mystery is the face everybody shared before they were born and the joke they'll finally get after they're dead.
- Tom Robbins
His brothers could tease him about his height or the number of scars he was collecting on his body. He could take the joke when they said he would die having never won a fair wrestling match. But the topic of Bettin still smarted too much. He'd imagined being with her always. Now when he closed his eyes, he had trouble imagining anything else.
- Shannon Hale
From as long as, literally as far back as I can remember I've liked puns, word jokes, I can literally recall looking at a comic at the age of six or seven and I remember what I enjoyed and what it was precisely and how the joke worked.
- Tom Stoppard
You're over there in the corner either thinking about the dead dog or whatever, you're bringing up your personal life and you need the space, and then somebody throws you a joke. Especially if it's an emotional scene, you don't want the joke.
- Marcia Gay Harden
As the joke goes, you don't have to be faster than the wolf chasing you, just faster than everyone else running away.
- Kim Harrison
The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet.
- Oliver Herford
I guess my idea of a good audience is one that's quiet and listens, but also that's alive: they respond, they're getting the jokes, they're with me. And that' s been happening.
- Dan Hicks
Yes, yes, I know all the jokes. What else could I have expected at Highbury? But I went to Chelsea and to Tottenham and to Rangers, and saw the same thing: that the natural state of a football fan is bitter disappointment, no matter what the score.
- Nick Hornby
I laughed. Partly at the joke, partly at how Afghan humor never changed. Wars were waged, the Internet was invented, and a robot had rolled on the surface of Mars, and in Afghanistan we were still telling Mullah Nasruddin jokes.
- Khaled Hosseini
Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant.
- Washington Irving
Some people use laughter as a weapon. It's all very funny until someone loses an eye. But then I guess it just makes the joke even funnier, because you never see it coming.
- Jarod Kintz
Speaking of grandmas, have you heard the joke about grandparents and WWII? No? Well, if you do, be sure to tell me because I'd like to hear it too.
- Jarod Kintz
A wink and a smirk walk into a bar, and the bartender asked them what they were drinking, when all of the sudden a mustache in a cowboy hat riding a vagina runs through the door, and right there I have to stop the joke, because not only does it not have a punch line, but that punch line was kidnapped, and if it's ever found, it will probably be rated Not Safe For Work.
- Jarod Kintz
It isn't possible to smile too much, odd one."
"Did you ever see the Joker in Batman?
- Dean Koontz
Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they're down, and when they're having a good time, I can carry on the joke.
- John Krasinski
You can't do anything to be funny. That's cringeworthy. If your humor comes out of a place of love every time, you don't make the joke bigger than you. The funniest comedians are in touch with their emotional level.
- John Krasinski
Malcolm chuckled wickedly. "You, my American friend, are like a hidden landmine of sex appeal. I'm going to have to look out for you."
"Too late." Owen raised his face to the unfamiliar smells, breezes, sounds of the city, enjoying them even more now that he knew something of it and it had become personal to him. "I've already exploded. You're caught."
He tilted his head back and laughed, inviting Malcolm to share the joke, but Malcolm was unusually quiet....
- Amy Lane
"Like is a mild sort of word for what Con and I have," Collin replied, leaning forward to touch noses with the big doofus. Constantine half-closed his eyes and twitched his whiskers back. "Id go with the deeply twisted interpersonal relationship that a hero has for his nemesis, sort of a Batman/Joker thing, if the Joker suddenly started going down on Batman like a porn-star on Viagra."
Jeff looked at him in alarm. "Jesus, Sparky, stop touching my cat!
- Amy Lane
It isor seems to bea wise sort of thing, to realise that all that happens to a man in this life is only by way of joke, especially his misfortunes, if he have them. And it is also worth bearing in mind, that the joke is passed round pretty liberally & impartially, so that not very many are entitled to fancy that they in particular are getting the worst of it.
- Herman Melville
The world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind.
- H P Lovecraft
Comedy is just to me, maybe it's a natural knack, if I can see where the joke is in the writing and I can see where the setup is and I can tell this is the way to make it.
- Matt Leblanc
I'm sporty, active, bubbly, I like to make people laugh... I'm the jokester. But I'm also very traditional.
- Coco Lee
My father was the king of the joke-tellers. I was so impressed as a child watching him, holding people in rapt attention.
- Carol Leifer
The gods tempt us. They offer us riches and sweet smelling women, tres leches, each milk sweeter than the one before. But you cannot beat the gods. The grander house and the bigger deal only mean more borrowed time, more risk. When you build your life on a house of cards, you never know when the joker will turn up. "Riptide" http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004CLYEQ4
- Paul Levine
A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.
- Georg C Lichtenberg
It sometimes seemed to him that for love to work, it had to be fair, that he should tell only half the joke, and she the other half. Otherwise, it would not be love, but something completely elsepity or entertainment, or stand-up comedy.
- Tao Lin
I sort of try to write everything for me. I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio. I'm trying to make sure the jokes are self-contained so they're accessible to everyone.
- Norm Macdonald
I'm definitely the worker. My brother is the jokester.
- Taryn Manning
People are too lazy and too stupid to think for themselves that we've got sitcoms with canned laughter that let's you know when to laugh if you're to stupid to know when the joke is.
- Marilyn Manson
Anything where we're the butt of the joke, no one tells us about it.
- Chris Martin
Our show was - it remained - you know, kids could watch it and laugh at it. And they wouldn't know - they wouldn't get the jokes. But they would laugh at it. So they tell me now they have grown up and they're watching it. Now they get the jokes. But we didn't say anything blatant.
- Rue Mcclanahan
The joke newspaper, it says Canada abandons the monarchy.
- Mark Mckinney
The old sound was alcoholic. The tradition was finally broken. The music is sex and drugs and happy. And happy is the joke the music understands best. Ultra sonic sounds on records to cause frontal lobotomies. Hey, don't be afraid. You'd better take drugs and learn to love PLASTIC. All diffrent kinds of plastic- pliable, rigid, colored, colorful, nonattached plastic. - Lou Reed (1965-1968)
- Legs Mcneil
Trust Emmett to find the joke in the destruction of my life.
- Stephenie Meyer
All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. The Joker - The Killing Joke
- Alan Moore
Blake understood. Treated it like a joke, but he understood. He saw the cracks in society, saw the little men in masks trying to hold it together...he saw the true face of the twentieth century and chose to become a reflection of it, a parody of it. No one else saw the joke. That's why he was lonely.
- Alan Moore
Madness is the emergency exit. You can just step outside, and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them away...forever.
The Joker
- Alan Moore
Perhaps there is a reason that there is no fool piece on the chessboard. What action, a fool? What strategy, a fool? What use, a fool? Ah, but a fool resides in a deck of cards, a joker, sometimes two. Of no worth, of course. No real purpose. The appearance of a trump, but none of the power: Simply an instrument of chance. Only a dealer may give value to the joker.
- Christopher Moore
Cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me and I'm not gonna fade as soon as you close your eyes and you know it.
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it?
- Alanis Morissette
I wrote. I wrote all the things I couldn't say to him. I wrote about how much I believed in us. I wrote about how much I trusted God. I wrote that I was praying for him. I wrote down all the jokes I could remember, which weren't many.
- Kimberly Novosel
If they were the jokes, I was the punch line.
- Kimberly Novosel
I think that the joke and the ghost story both have a similar set up in that you kind of set something up and pay it off with a laugh or a scare.
- Simon Pegg
Laurel, David? Would you like to share the joke with the rest of the class?" he asked, one hand on his skinny hip.
"No, sir," David said. "But thank you for asking." The students around them laughed, but Mr. james didn't look pleased. Laurel leaned back and grinned. David, one. Teacher who wishes he was as smart as David? Zero
- Aprilynne Pike
The joke in our family is that we can cry reading the phone book.
- Ron Reagan
If fate doesn't make you laugh, you just don't get the joke.
- Gregory David Roberts
In black neighborhoods, everybody appreciated comedy about real life. In the white community, fantasy was funnier. I started looking for the jokes that were equally hilarious across the board, for totally different reasons.
- Will Smith
I start with the joke line and write backward.
- Nipsey Russell
Life may be a grand folly, as you say, but it is harder to appriciate the joke when you're always the butt of it.
- Richard Russo
If you work at comedy too laboriously, you can kill what's funny in the joke.
- Richard Russo
Lacroix has been fantastic. He's very nice. He gets the joke, and I think that's a good thing.
- Jennifer Saunders
There was the joke about Switzerland being an island surrounded by land. This was never true.
- Samuel Schmid
I don't mind being the butt of the joke... It doesn't really bother me. I quite enjoy it.
- Ryan Seacrest
All the jokes in my films, the comedy, they're not me, I just try to hold a big mirror up to us.
- Yahoo Serious
[he] had become the bloke in the joke: the last man on earth
- Zadie Smith
It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.
- Wanda Sykes
The joke was thinking you were ever really in charge of your life. You pressed your oar down into the water to direct the canoe, but it was the current that shot you through the rapids. You just hung on and hoped not to hit a rock or a whirlpool.
- Scott Turow
When I'm writing the book I'm laughing at just how overblown the characters seemed. How full of himself he seems. But I didn't get far enough in the series to really drive the joke of it home.
- Jhonen Vasquez
What other culture could have produced someone like Hemmingway and not seen the joke?
- Gore Vidal
Life is pure farce from beginning to end, with a little
black comedy thrown in for shade. If it was anything
else, mankind would have stuck his collective head in
the gas oyen years ago. No one could tolerate seventy
years of tragedy. When I die - probably of cancer -
Jane has prornised to put on my tombstone: "Here
lies Anne Cattrell who laughed her way through it.
The joke was on her but at least she knew it." (The Ice House)
- Minette Walters
I laughed, even if I was the butt of the joke.
- Pete Waterman
A lot of the jokes had some build-up to some nasty stuff. But most of it was all character situations leading to what the ultimate payoff would be for that character.
- Shawn Wayans
If you keep up with pop culture, everybody knows the joke.
- Shawn Wayans
The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow.
- H G Wells
A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself.
- Jessamyn West
I've made a lot of grown men cry with laughter, because I really am quite the joke.
- Peta Wilson
I recently did the David Letterman Show about my book. He was very serious and made no jokes and it caught me off guard a little bit. He was much more serious than some of the joke shows that journalists get on.
- Bob Woodward
I agree with Sophocles: the greatest luck is not to have been born - but, as the joke goes on, very few people succeed in it.
- Slavoj Zizek
Chevy Chase and Bill Murray - we thought those guys were funny. We love Bill Murray, but we didn't think they were right for Airplane! because it would step on the joke if there was a known comedian.
- David Zucker
- Theodor Adorno
The joke's on them. One little hypodermic wont' be enough. Split a piece of wood, and they'll find me. Lift up a stone, and they'll find me. Look in the mirror, and they'll find me...If you really want to know what makes someone a killer, ask yourself what would make you do it.
- Jodi Picoult
I have never fit into this town, this marriage, this skin. I am the child who was picked last to play tag; I am the girl who laughed although she did not get the joke; I am the piecemeal part of you that you pretend doesn't exist, except it is all I am, all the time.
- Jodi Picoult
And spare me the jokes about scoring."
"Dammit, woman, you read my mind," he said. "Is there no filthy wordplay you can't forsee?"
"It's my special magical power. I can read your mind when you're thinking dirty thoughts."
"So, ninety-five percent of the time.
- Cassandra Clare
My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories, that was my brother Ed. As a child, I just absorbed everything they said, and I was always in competition for the laughs.
- Stephen Colbert
The trouble with the jokes is that once they're written, I know how they're supposed to work, and all I can do is not hit them. I'm more comfortable improvising. If I have just two or three ideas and I know how the character feels, what the character wants, everything in between is like trapeze work.
- Stephen Colbert
Oh Christ, the exhaustion of not knowing anything. It's so tiring and hard on the nerves. It really takes it out of you, not knowing anything. You're given comedy and miss all the jokes. Every hour you get weaker. Sometimes, as I sit alone in my flat in London and stare at the window, I think how dismal it is, how heavy, to watch the rain and not know why it falls.
- Martin Amis
Is that how tall you are without those ridiculas shoes?' he said derisively. I think I was born bigger than that.'
'I bet you were. Five feet of fat head and two inches of a**,' Claire muttered, standing up.
'Claire!' Helen blurted out, shocked. Lucas's shoulders were shaking with laughter. Jason pretended to take the joke OK, but Helen suspected his feelings were hurt.
- Josephine Angelini
One of my biggest problems with comedy was that I did not understand some of the jokes.
- Desi Arnaz
Guys will definitely settle for women who get the joke. But a woman who can make you laugh? It's not high on a guy's must list. Perhaps it should be.
- Hank Azaria
I can tell we're going to get along like Batman and the Joker. (Fang)
Just remember one thing, world. I'm the best friend you'll ever have or the last enemy you'll ever make. (Thorn)
- Sherrilyn Kenyon
In life there are always these things happening if you can just get the joke.
- Lynda Barry
I never believe them when they say that because you really have to sort of be aware of what's going on in the news in order to get the jokes on the show.
- Samantha Bee
I will do almost anything for the sake of a joke or for the sake of someone's real belief in something to help tell a story. I will not do something shocking for the sake of being nasty. If it's not hurting anyone's feelings, I'm in on the joke.
- Selma Blair
Generally speaking, we get the joke. We know that the free market is nonsense. We know that the whole point is to game the system, to beat the market or at least find someone who will pay you a lot of money, 'cause they're convinced that there is a free lunch.
- Ron Bloom
What the joke displays is a switch in perception. This is important in changing the way we think.
- Edward De Bono
She'd stood by that creed. No softness, because the world wasn't soft; lots of laughter, because if you were in on the joke, the joke couldn't be on you; And no wanting what you couldn't take, because the world never gave.
Or so she'd thought.
- Connie Brockway
The most casual examination will reveal the fact that all the jokes about the horrible results of masculine cooking and sewing are written by men. It is all part of a great scheme of sex propaganda.
- Heywood Broun
He who laughs last... just didn't get the joke.
- Carroll Bryant
The joke is, we all have the same punchline.
- Chuck Palahniuk
The joke or the pratfall is easy for me to do.
- Sandra Bullock
[He]... watches the Joker rising from his wheelchair, the way a rabbit watches car headlights bearing down, unable to move a single, spotlit muscle. The madman's limbs appear to unlatch as though some psychotic god has chosen to give life to a complicated Swiss Army knife. The Joker's head rotates... the green lasers of his eyes target the keys at the big man's belt, and he shakes his head.
- Grant Morrison
Afraid? Batman's not afraid of anything. It's me. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that The Joker may be right about me. Sometimes...I question the rationality of my actions. And I'm afraid that when I walk through those asylum gates... when I walk into Arkham and the doors close behind me... it'll be just like coming home.
- Grant Morrison
Enough madness? Enough? And how do you measure madness? - The Joker
- Grant Morrison
The joke that I make is that there are instances on the TV series that happen to me, - except on Sex and the City they always make it better or worse than real life and I am actually saying that in a joking way.
- Candace Bushnell
I'm the youngest of four, and I'm always the clown - making the jokes, wanting attention.
- Rose Byrne
it will be generally found that the popular joke is not true to the letter, but is true to the spirit. The joke is generally in the oddest way the truth and yet not the fact.
- Gilbert K Chesterton
All the jokes about men sitting down on their hats are really theological jokes; they are concerned with the Dual Nature of Man. They refer to the primary paradox that man is superior to all the things around him and yet is at their mercy.
- Gilbert K Chesterton
The men who made the joke saw something deep which they could not express except by something silly and emphatic.
- Gilbert K Chesterton
The joke is generally in the oddest way the truth and yet not the fact.
- Gilbert K Chesterton
Listen up. You're in trouble. Word is the Capitol's furious about you showing them up in the arena. The one thing they can't stand is being laughed at and they're the joke of Panem
- Suzanne Collins
So, whenever Scooter was the Pilot, he never had a chance to fly the orbiter. So, the joke is: I'm going to have a chance to fly it first and hand it over to him.
- Duane G Carey
One of the jokes on our flight is that, if we have a normal entry day going, the plan is for me... to actually take the orbiter first and fly it for maybe 10 or 15 seconds and then hand it on over to Scooter.
- Duane G Carey
Yeah, a lot more than he likes you," said Oh. It didn't look like Milo appreciated the joke very much.
"That's debatable," said Milo.
"Is not," said Oh.
She leaned in and put her pink cast against my cheek, kissing me quickly on the lips.
"That's incredibly unfair. If we were gay you'd be up a creek without a paddle. You wouldn't even be in the game."
"He's right, you know," I said.
"Aw. You guys are having a bromance. That's really cute.
- Patrick Carman
The Joker's henchmen break into the museum and empty the display cases; this occurs repeatedly, again and again: finally it can be reckoned upon beforehand and becomes a part of the exhibition.
- Jonathan Lethem
In 1945, peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again.
- Graham Chapman
Speech destroys the function of love, I think-that's a hell of a thing for a writer to say, I guess, but I believe it to be true. If you speak to tell a deer you mean it no harm, it glides away with a single flip of its tail. Love has teeth; they bite; the wounds never close. No word, no combination of words can close those love bites. it's the other way around, that's the joke. If those wounds dry up, the words die with them.
- Stephen King
Science is a bit like the joke about the drunk who is looking under a lamppost for a key that he has lost on the other side of the street, because that's where the light is. It has no other choice.
- Noam Chomsky
Little fussy Otto, in his red-lined black opera cloak with pockets for all his gear, his shiny black shoes, his carefully cut widow's peak and, not least, his ridiculous accent that grew thicker or thinner depending on who he was talking to, did not look like a threat. He looked funny, a joke, a music-hall vampire. It had never previously occurred to Vimes that, just possibly, the joke was on other people.
- Terry Pratchett
I am the illegal alien of commentary. I will do the jokes that no one else will do.
- Ann Coulter
I also try to think of ways to articulate the joke more economically.
- David Cross
In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before.
- Frank Dane
The joke I wanted to put into one of the promos for this new season, was to have a guy come up to me and say, Hey! Tony! I love your show, I've watched you every night since you started! And then I'd say, Ah! You're the one!
- Tony Danza
The jokes are great but what really matters for a comedian is his performance, his whole attitude, and the laughs that he gets between the jokes rather than on top of the jokes.
- Jack Dee
The studying, the books, exams, arguments, theories. The jokes and pints, laughter, kisses and songs. Life was like running, ninety percent sweat and toil, ten per cent joy.
- Siobhan Dowd
Once an actor told me he went to the Shakespeare School of Acting, and I said, 'I went to the Shakespeare of Acting, too' and he said, 'Oh really?' And I said, 'I went to Shakespeare Elementary School in Chicago.' He didn't take the joke well, he didn't laugh and didn't think it was funny - I thought it was funny. It's all the same to me.
- Michael Clarke Duncan
Americans do believe in progress and there is almost certainly a kernel of truth in the joke.
- Alan Dundes
The joke I always make about myself is that I'm self-involved, but I'm not vain.
- Lena Dunham
There must be some kind of way out of here,' said the joker to the thief..
- Bob Dylan
You can trust a Neil Simon script. Every dot. Every dash; that pause means something. He takes all the jokes out, practically.
- Hector Elizondo
Never be afraid to laugh at yourself. After all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
- Dame Edna Everage
A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself.
- Clifton Paul Fadiman
Well, there are conjoined twins in real life and we can tell a story about them so long as they're not the brunt of the jokes. In this, they're the heroes of this story; we love these guys.
- Bobby Farrelly
I don't think I could ever do a network sitcom because the humor is often based on some trite circumstance. I don't want to be a part of a show where it's mostly about coming up with the jokes.
- Sherilyn Fenn
You all watched a sketch about feminism and you didn't even know it because of all the jokes. It's like when Jessica Seinfeld puts spinach in kids' brownies. Suckers!
- Tina Fey
Johnny Carson started the jokes about me and Marlin in his monologues.
- Jim Fowler
When I was 14, I thought I was the coolest kid in school because I told everyone the jokes in FHM.
- Megan Fox
Strider's bedroom The only thing hanging on the wall that wasn't a weapon was the portrait just over the bed. No. Not true, he thought then. The portrait was a weapon, too. Of seduction. In it Strider was utterly naked and whisking through the cloads like an avenging angel. He was holding a teddy bear in one hand and a stream of pink ribbons in the other. Anya had given him the nearly life-size monstrasity as a joke. But the joke was on her. He loved the thing.
- Gena Showalter
I have gone around observing your activities from the outside. Because of this I have also been able to see things to which you have been blind... Every morning you have gone to work, but you have never been fully awake. Of course, you have seen the sun and the moon, the stars in the sky, and everything that moves, but you haven't really seen it at all. It is different for the Joker, because he was put into this world with a flaw: He sees too clearly and too much.
- Jostein Gaarder
Because Buffy really has become the straight man, every once in a while it's nice to be the one that tells the joke and it's nice to be the one that is the joke and it's nice to do something that's a little bit different.
- Sarah Michelle Gellar
But marrying within one's own family can get monotonous. One has heard all the same family stories, knows all the jokes and all the same recipes. No novelty.
- Margaret George
People confuse the subject of the joke with the target of the joke, and they're very rarely the same.
- Ricky Gervais
No- it was the best. Kind of joint where everyone checked their worries at the door. The beer was cold, the jokes came easy, we could smell the ocean, and everyone was always happy to be there.
- Anna Godbersen
Mystery is the face everybody shared before they were born and the joke they'll finally get after they're dead.
- Tom Robbins
His brothers could tease him about his height or the number of scars he was collecting on his body. He could take the joke when they said he would die having never won a fair wrestling match. But the topic of Bettin still smarted too much. He'd imagined being with her always. Now when he closed his eyes, he had trouble imagining anything else.
- Shannon Hale
From as long as, literally as far back as I can remember I've liked puns, word jokes, I can literally recall looking at a comic at the age of six or seven and I remember what I enjoyed and what it was precisely and how the joke worked.
- Tom Stoppard
You're over there in the corner either thinking about the dead dog or whatever, you're bringing up your personal life and you need the space, and then somebody throws you a joke. Especially if it's an emotional scene, you don't want the joke.
- Marcia Gay Harden
As the joke goes, you don't have to be faster than the wolf chasing you, just faster than everyone else running away.
- Kim Harrison
The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet.
- Oliver Herford
I guess my idea of a good audience is one that's quiet and listens, but also that's alive: they respond, they're getting the jokes, they're with me. And that' s been happening.
- Dan Hicks
Yes, yes, I know all the jokes. What else could I have expected at Highbury? But I went to Chelsea and to Tottenham and to Rangers, and saw the same thing: that the natural state of a football fan is bitter disappointment, no matter what the score.
- Nick Hornby
I laughed. Partly at the joke, partly at how Afghan humor never changed. Wars were waged, the Internet was invented, and a robot had rolled on the surface of Mars, and in Afghanistan we were still telling Mullah Nasruddin jokes.
- Khaled Hosseini
Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant.
- Washington Irving
Some people use laughter as a weapon. It's all very funny until someone loses an eye. But then I guess it just makes the joke even funnier, because you never see it coming.
- Jarod Kintz
Speaking of grandmas, have you heard the joke about grandparents and WWII? No? Well, if you do, be sure to tell me because I'd like to hear it too.
- Jarod Kintz
A wink and a smirk walk into a bar, and the bartender asked them what they were drinking, when all of the sudden a mustache in a cowboy hat riding a vagina runs through the door, and right there I have to stop the joke, because not only does it not have a punch line, but that punch line was kidnapped, and if it's ever found, it will probably be rated Not Safe For Work.
- Jarod Kintz
It isn't possible to smile too much, odd one."
"Did you ever see the Joker in Batman?
- Dean Koontz
Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they're down, and when they're having a good time, I can carry on the joke.
- John Krasinski
You can't do anything to be funny. That's cringeworthy. If your humor comes out of a place of love every time, you don't make the joke bigger than you. The funniest comedians are in touch with their emotional level.
- John Krasinski
Malcolm chuckled wickedly. "You, my American friend, are like a hidden landmine of sex appeal. I'm going to have to look out for you."
"Too late." Owen raised his face to the unfamiliar smells, breezes, sounds of the city, enjoying them even more now that he knew something of it and it had become personal to him. "I've already exploded. You're caught."
He tilted his head back and laughed, inviting Malcolm to share the joke, but Malcolm was unusually quiet....
- Amy Lane
"Like is a mild sort of word for what Con and I have," Collin replied, leaning forward to touch noses with the big doofus. Constantine half-closed his eyes and twitched his whiskers back. "Id go with the deeply twisted interpersonal relationship that a hero has for his nemesis, sort of a Batman/Joker thing, if the Joker suddenly started going down on Batman like a porn-star on Viagra."
Jeff looked at him in alarm. "Jesus, Sparky, stop touching my cat!
- Amy Lane
It isor seems to bea wise sort of thing, to realise that all that happens to a man in this life is only by way of joke, especially his misfortunes, if he have them. And it is also worth bearing in mind, that the joke is passed round pretty liberally & impartially, so that not very many are entitled to fancy that they in particular are getting the worst of it.
- Herman Melville
The world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind.
- H P Lovecraft
Comedy is just to me, maybe it's a natural knack, if I can see where the joke is in the writing and I can see where the setup is and I can tell this is the way to make it.
- Matt Leblanc
I'm sporty, active, bubbly, I like to make people laugh... I'm the jokester. But I'm also very traditional.
- Coco Lee
My father was the king of the joke-tellers. I was so impressed as a child watching him, holding people in rapt attention.
- Carol Leifer
The gods tempt us. They offer us riches and sweet smelling women, tres leches, each milk sweeter than the one before. But you cannot beat the gods. The grander house and the bigger deal only mean more borrowed time, more risk. When you build your life on a house of cards, you never know when the joker will turn up. "Riptide" http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004CLYEQ4
- Paul Levine
A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.
- Georg C Lichtenberg
It sometimes seemed to him that for love to work, it had to be fair, that he should tell only half the joke, and she the other half. Otherwise, it would not be love, but something completely elsepity or entertainment, or stand-up comedy.
- Tao Lin
I sort of try to write everything for me. I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio. I'm trying to make sure the jokes are self-contained so they're accessible to everyone.
- Norm Macdonald
I'm definitely the worker. My brother is the jokester.
- Taryn Manning
People are too lazy and too stupid to think for themselves that we've got sitcoms with canned laughter that let's you know when to laugh if you're to stupid to know when the joke is.
- Marilyn Manson
Anything where we're the butt of the joke, no one tells us about it.
- Chris Martin
Our show was - it remained - you know, kids could watch it and laugh at it. And they wouldn't know - they wouldn't get the jokes. But they would laugh at it. So they tell me now they have grown up and they're watching it. Now they get the jokes. But we didn't say anything blatant.
- Rue Mcclanahan
The joke newspaper, it says Canada abandons the monarchy.
- Mark Mckinney
The old sound was alcoholic. The tradition was finally broken. The music is sex and drugs and happy. And happy is the joke the music understands best. Ultra sonic sounds on records to cause frontal lobotomies. Hey, don't be afraid. You'd better take drugs and learn to love PLASTIC. All diffrent kinds of plastic- pliable, rigid, colored, colorful, nonattached plastic. - Lou Reed (1965-1968)
- Legs Mcneil
Trust Emmett to find the joke in the destruction of my life.
- Stephenie Meyer
All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. The Joker - The Killing Joke
- Alan Moore
Blake understood. Treated it like a joke, but he understood. He saw the cracks in society, saw the little men in masks trying to hold it together...he saw the true face of the twentieth century and chose to become a reflection of it, a parody of it. No one else saw the joke. That's why he was lonely.
- Alan Moore
Madness is the emergency exit. You can just step outside, and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them away...forever.
The Joker
- Alan Moore
Perhaps there is a reason that there is no fool piece on the chessboard. What action, a fool? What strategy, a fool? What use, a fool? Ah, but a fool resides in a deck of cards, a joker, sometimes two. Of no worth, of course. No real purpose. The appearance of a trump, but none of the power: Simply an instrument of chance. Only a dealer may give value to the joker.
- Christopher Moore
Cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me and I'm not gonna fade as soon as you close your eyes and you know it.
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it?
- Alanis Morissette
I wrote. I wrote all the things I couldn't say to him. I wrote about how much I believed in us. I wrote about how much I trusted God. I wrote that I was praying for him. I wrote down all the jokes I could remember, which weren't many.
- Kimberly Novosel
If they were the jokes, I was the punch line.
- Kimberly Novosel
I think that the joke and the ghost story both have a similar set up in that you kind of set something up and pay it off with a laugh or a scare.
- Simon Pegg
Laurel, David? Would you like to share the joke with the rest of the class?" he asked, one hand on his skinny hip.
"No, sir," David said. "But thank you for asking." The students around them laughed, but Mr. james didn't look pleased. Laurel leaned back and grinned. David, one. Teacher who wishes he was as smart as David? Zero
- Aprilynne Pike
The joke in our family is that we can cry reading the phone book.
- Ron Reagan
If fate doesn't make you laugh, you just don't get the joke.
- Gregory David Roberts
In black neighborhoods, everybody appreciated comedy about real life. In the white community, fantasy was funnier. I started looking for the jokes that were equally hilarious across the board, for totally different reasons.
- Will Smith
I start with the joke line and write backward.
- Nipsey Russell
Life may be a grand folly, as you say, but it is harder to appriciate the joke when you're always the butt of it.
- Richard Russo
If you work at comedy too laboriously, you can kill what's funny in the joke.
- Richard Russo
Lacroix has been fantastic. He's very nice. He gets the joke, and I think that's a good thing.
- Jennifer Saunders
There was the joke about Switzerland being an island surrounded by land. This was never true.
- Samuel Schmid
I don't mind being the butt of the joke... It doesn't really bother me. I quite enjoy it.
- Ryan Seacrest
All the jokes in my films, the comedy, they're not me, I just try to hold a big mirror up to us.
- Yahoo Serious
[he] had become the bloke in the joke: the last man on earth
- Zadie Smith
It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.
- Wanda Sykes
The joke was thinking you were ever really in charge of your life. You pressed your oar down into the water to direct the canoe, but it was the current that shot you through the rapids. You just hung on and hoped not to hit a rock or a whirlpool.
- Scott Turow
When I'm writing the book I'm laughing at just how overblown the characters seemed. How full of himself he seems. But I didn't get far enough in the series to really drive the joke of it home.
- Jhonen Vasquez
What other culture could have produced someone like Hemmingway and not seen the joke?
- Gore Vidal
Life is pure farce from beginning to end, with a little
black comedy thrown in for shade. If it was anything
else, mankind would have stuck his collective head in
the gas oyen years ago. No one could tolerate seventy
years of tragedy. When I die - probably of cancer -
Jane has prornised to put on my tombstone: "Here
lies Anne Cattrell who laughed her way through it.
The joke was on her but at least she knew it." (The Ice House)
- Minette Walters
I laughed, even if I was the butt of the joke.
- Pete Waterman
A lot of the jokes had some build-up to some nasty stuff. But most of it was all character situations leading to what the ultimate payoff would be for that character.
- Shawn Wayans
If you keep up with pop culture, everybody knows the joke.
- Shawn Wayans
The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow.
- H G Wells
A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself.
- Jessamyn West
I've made a lot of grown men cry with laughter, because I really am quite the joke.
- Peta Wilson
I recently did the David Letterman Show about my book. He was very serious and made no jokes and it caught me off guard a little bit. He was much more serious than some of the joke shows that journalists get on.
- Bob Woodward
I agree with Sophocles: the greatest luck is not to have been born - but, as the joke goes on, very few people succeed in it.
- Slavoj Zizek
Chevy Chase and Bill Murray - we thought those guys were funny. We love Bill Murray, but we didn't think they were right for Airplane! because it would step on the joke if there was a known comedian.
- David Zucker
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