I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny.
I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back.
- Woody Allen
First of all, let me say thank you sir for the opportunity to scrub your jockstrap with my personal toothbrush. Of all the players on the Congressional softball team, you are by far the sweatiest.
- Jarod Kintz
I don't want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting, or the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame, or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad and if either watches it without the other, they're dead meat. I want to see you guys high-five each other like teammates on a recreational softball team you both do for fun.
- Mindy Kaling
Stalking the girls' softball team again?
- Laurie Faria Stolarz
I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back.
- Woody Allen
First of all, let me say thank you sir for the opportunity to scrub your jockstrap with my personal toothbrush. Of all the players on the Congressional softball team, you are by far the sweatiest.
- Jarod Kintz
I don't want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting, or the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame, or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad and if either watches it without the other, they're dead meat. I want to see you guys high-five each other like teammates on a recreational softball team you both do for fun.
- Mindy Kaling
Stalking the girls' softball team again?
- Laurie Faria Stolarz
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