Your Wife Quotes

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
- Joey Adams

The Cheesecake Factory is a great business model, but if you take your wife there for your 25th wedding anniversary, you might not reach your 26th.
- Scott Adams

If the whole world is evil, then the tragedy that befell you is justified," she went on. "That would make it easier for you to accept the deaths of your wife and daughters. But if good people do exist, then, however much you deny it, your life will be unbearable; because fate set a trap for you, and you know you didn't deserve it. It isn't the light you want to recover, it's the certainty that there is only darkness.
- Paulo Coelho

It was a strange thing, to still be in love with your wife and to not know if you liked her. What would happen when this was all over? Could you forgive someone if she hurt you and the people you love, if she truly believed she was only trying to help?
I had filed for divorce, but that wasn't what I really wanted. What I really wanted was for all of us to go back two years, and start over.
Had I ever really told her that?
- Jodi Picoult

And when your wife is not the same person you fell in love with eight years ago, where exactly does that leave you? Do you try to get to know who she has become, and hope for the best? Or do you keep deceiving yourself in the hope that she might wake up one morning and have gone back to the woman she used to be? May be, Caleb thinks with a small shock, he isn't the same person he once was, either.
- Jodi Picoult

What do you have to worry about? That you're lonely? That you have a mortgage? That your wife doesn't love you? F you, F you. I have to worry about having enough to eat!
- Sherman Alexie

Nothing is free. Everything has to be paid for. For every profit in one thing, payment in some other thing. For every life, a death. Even your music, of which we have heard so much, that had to be paid for. Your wife was the payment for your music. Hell is now satisfied.
- Ted Hughes, The Tiger's Bones
- Cassandra Clare

You know," I said, holding my ground. "I gotta tell you. The goatee thing? Yeah, way over. And you know a little jewelry really does go a long way. Just something you might want to consider. I'm actually glad you stopped by, because I have a couple things I've been meaning to say to you. Number one,
about your wife? Yeah, she's a skank. And number two, you know that whole thing where you killed Jesse and then buried his remains out back there? Yeah, way un-cool.
- Meg Cabot

You know, marriage is marriage, a partnership. You aren't the only one who needs to step up and keep one of us safe. It's my job as your wife to do the same if a time comes when I have to and it's my job to do it however that might need to come about.
- Kristen Ashley

Then you shouldn't have thrown her away when she was your wife. Now she ain't. Now she's somethin' to me and I don't let men I don't like get close to her and I gotta tell you man, I do not like you.
- Kristen Ashley

I tell you it's deadly when you start thinking your wife might be right.
- Isaac Asimov

If he goes for my nose again, I fink I'll hang him up by his little balls,' one of the Guard said, getting to his feet. Froi tried to ignore the mockery.
'Nothing little about me,' he grunted. 'Don't take my word for it, Hindley. Ask your wife. She seemed happy last night, you know, with the size and all.
- Melina Marchetta

Turner let his face fell into his hands. "I'm never going to touch her again", he moaned. "He's never going to touch me again!" they heard Miranda roar."Well,it doesn't look like you'll have much argument from your wife on that point", Olivia chirped.
- Julia Quinn

Love's about finding the one person who makes your heart complete. Who makes you a better person than you ever dreamed you could be. Its about looking in the eyes of your wife and knowing all the way to your bones that she's simply the best person you've ever known.
- Anthony Bridgerton
- Julia Quinn

As I've explained to my wife many times, you have to kill your wife or mistress to get on the front page of the papers.
- Julian Barnes

I need dating advice. Fast...Julian, how did you meet your wife?"
Julian shrugged. "My brother the sex god cursed me into a book for two thousand years. Grace got drunk on her birthday and summoned me out of it."
Vane rolled his eyes. "That's useless. Kyrian? What about you?"
"I woke up handcuffed to Amanda."
Vane could work with that. "So I need to get a set of handcuffs?
- Sherrilyn Kenyon

If it's wild to your own heart, protect it. Preserve it. Love it. And fight for it, and dedicate yourself to it, whether it's a mountain range, your wife, your husband, or even (god forbid) your job. It doesn't matter if it's wild to anyone else: if it's what makes your heart sing, if it's what makes your days soar like a hawk in the summertime, then focus on it. Because for sure, it's wild, and if it's wild, it'll mean you're still free. No matter where you are.
- Rick Bass

He knew what retributions your devils are liable to bring for the way you treat your wife and women or behave while your father is on his deathbed, what you ought to think of your pleasure, of acting like a cockroach; he had the intelligence for the comparison. He had the intelligence to be sublime. But sublimity can't exist only as a special gift of the few, due to an accident of origin, like being born an albino. If it were, what interest would we have in it?
- Saul Bellow

You only require two things in life: your sanity and your wife.
- Tony Blair

It was not easy with a newborn, asking your wife to give up the family home and your security.
- Heston Blumenthal

I am your wife if you will marry me.
If not, I'll die your maid. To be your fellow
You may deny me, but I'll be your servant Whether you will or no.
- William Shakespeare

Why love the woman who is your wife? Her nose breathes in the air of a world that I know; therefore I love that nose. Her ears hear music I might sing half the night through; therefore I love her ears. Her eyes delight in seasons of the land; and so I love those eyes. Her tongue knows quince, peach, chokeberry, mint and lime; I love to hear it speaking. Because her flesh knows heat, cold, affliction, I know fire, snow, and pain. Shared and once again shared experience.
- Ray Bradbury

If you treat your wife like a thoroughbred, you'll never end up with a nag.
- Zig Ziglar

If you've never woken up from a car accident to discover that your wife is dead and you're an animated, rotting corpse, then you probably wouldn't understand.
- S G Browne

That was one of the worst things about losing your wife, I found: your wife is the very person you want to discuss it all with.
- Anne Tyler

There are worse things than finding your wife and child dead.
You can watch the world do it. You can watch your wife get old and bored. You can watch your kids discover everything in the world you've tried to save them from. Drugs, divorce, conformity, disease. All the nice clean books, music, television. Distraction.
- Chuck Palahniuk

If you have your wife, and you are proud of something she's done, wouldn't you go and support her in something? That is what I was trying to do.
- Gisele Bundchen

Go back to your wife....you man whore! Shouted the old woman, raising her walker for another strike.
- Shannon K Butcher

If you go away on location for three months and your wife stays at home, you've made a whole new load of friends and she's made a whole new load of friends and you get home and you're kind of strangers.
- Michael Caine

You can bear your own faults, and why not a fault in your wife?
- Benjamin Franklin

What was that you were saying about my mother?"
"She likes big dicks." Deacon slammed him hard in the gut, knocking him to the floor. "So does your wife.
- Mercy Celeste

Your wife is a big hippo! My face is melting! My face is meltinnnnggg!
- Terry Pratchett

Perhaps you think you see a certain contradiction here? In that case, a word in your ear. Study your wife closely, for the next four-and-twenty hours. If your good lady doesn't exhibit something in the shape of a contradiction in that time, Heaven help you!--you have married a monster.
- Wilkie Collins

Is there anyone to whom you entrust a greater number of serious matters than your wife? And is there anyone with whom you have fewer conversations?
- Socrates

On top of the horror of separating from your wife, you have to go through it in public.
- Norman Cook

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to remember it once.
- E Joseph Cossman

How in the world do you tellyour wife that her mother was born a unicon?
- Bruce Coville

Hell, your kid is fucking my wife, and your wife is fucking me.
Not that she's any good, Zane said, looking at Georgia, and when she made a little cry of protest, he added, Hell Georgia, even Jell-O moves when you eat it.
- Jennifer Crusie

It's better when you have your wife with you, more fun.
- Evan Dando

I became educated to the fact that the greatest pain does not come zooming down from a distant planet, but from the depths of the heart. Of course, both could happen; your wife and child could leave you, and you could be sitting alone in your empty house with nothing to live for, and in addition the Martians could bore through the roof and get you.
- Philip K Dick

He says, "Your husband fucked my wife."
We look at each other and this time it's different. Now I know him.
"My husband didn't fuck your wife." My voice is soft. Not amorous, but the tone of a bewildered child. "They had a relationship, then came home and fucked us.
- Eric Jerome Dickey

Fergie will sing ballads to the dogs and they'll sit there rapt. You know your wife's a star when she keeps the dogs entertained for 20 minutes.
- Josh Duhamel

To tell you the truth - mind, this is strictly between ourselves, please; I shouldn't like your wife to know I said it - the women folk don't understand these things; but between you and me, you know, I think it does a man good to swear.
- Jerome K Jerome

Never in any case say I have lost such a thing, but I have returned it. Is your child dead? It is a return. Is your wife dead? It is a return. Are you deprived of your estate? Is not this also a return?
- Epictetus

You know, my life's changed now. I'm starting to experience what people are really supposed to do. You supposed to be married. You're supposed to have a family, kids, treat your wife right.
- Mike Epps

Go home to your wife. Go bury her.
- Euripides

You go from the north of Laos and then you go across the Mekong, and when the Pathet Lao soldiers fire, you do not think about your family, just yourself only. When you are on the other side, you will not be like what you were before ou get through the Mekong. On the other side you cannot say to your wife, I love you more than my life. She saw! You cannot say that anymore! And when you try to restick this thing together is is like putting glue on a broken glass.
- Anne Fadiman

I urge the husbands and fathers of this church to be the kind of a man your wife would not want to be without.
- James E Faust

It's Mari, Jack," Ken whispered, needing to say it aloud.
"What?" Jack jerked around, staring at the sniper as the eyes fluttered closed. "Are you certain?"
Ken pulled the woman's belt loose and buckled it around her leg. "Either that or your wife is playing sniper for the other team. It has to be Mari. She looks exactly like Briony.
- Christine Feehan

He announces that lately he keeps losing things. "Like your wife and child," I want to say, but don't. At fourty, I've learned not to say everything clever, not to score every point.
- Suzanne Finnamore

a revolutionary in every bedroom cannot fail to shake up the status quo. And if it is your wife that is revolting, you can't just split to the suburbs. Feminism, when it truly achieves it's goals, will crack through the most basic structures of our society.
- Shulamith Firestone

And tell your wife whatever you want, but don't make promises you're not going to keep. And don't knock yourself out over it; you didn't invent infidelity.
- Marc Fitten

I suppose the latest thing is to sit back and let Mr. Nobody from Nowhere make love to your wife.
- F Scott Fitzgerald

Hubert Humphrey talks so fast that listening to him is like trying to read Playboy magazine with your wife turning the pages.
- Barry Goldwater

I can't understand these chaps who go round American universities explaining how they write poems: It's like going round explaining how you sleep with your wife.
- Philip Larkin

Madam your wife and I didn't hit it off the only time I ever saw her. I won't say she was silly, but I think one of us was silly, and it wasn't me.
- Elizabeth Gaskell

In tourism college they were taught that American notions of what constitutes a personal question are quite different from their own. T has learned this the hard way, through responses to questions like: And what do they pay you to be a pharmaceutical representative with GlaxoSmithKline, Mr. Clark? Is this lady your wife or your daughter? Do they have the death penalty in your state of Texas? Why are the insides of your ears so hairy?
- Camilla Gibb

As an alcoholic, you have no appreciation for your wife or your children's feelings, but I'm making up for that now. I'm winning my children's trust back.
- Maurice Gibb

Liar! Liar!" shrieked suddenly from the now open trap door.
Miracle Max whirled. "Back, Witch--" he commanded.
"I'm not a witch, I'm your wife--" she was advancing on him now, an ancient tiny fury--"and after what you've just done I don't think I want to be that any more--
- William Goldman

Never argue with your wife about hostility when she's a certified Freudian.
- William Goldman

I'm not witch. I'm your wife.
- William Goldman

When every piece of furniture and your underwear are taken by the bank, when you lose your house in Florida, in New York, in Amsterdam and L.A., when your wife is dying and your son abandons you, you don't feel very good.
- Al Goldstein

If you let a bully come in your front yard, he'll be on your porch the next day and the day after that he'll rape your wife in your own bed.
- Lyndon B Johnson

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry

I always wondered if you clone your wife and have the cloned wife on the moon and the real wife down here, would that be considered cheating?
- Luis Guzman

I imagined that it might be awkward to talk to your wife about her performance, so going into it I was a little nervous. But doing it was actually a wonderfully inspiring experience.
- Lasse Hallstrom

On a related subject, Signore Pazzi, I must confess to you: I'm giving serious thought to eating your wife.
- Thomas Harris

If anyone has it rough at Guantanamo, it is the guards. They are constantly harassed and threatened by some of these terrorists. Prisoners tell guards, we know where your families are. We know where your wife is, your children, and we are going to kill them.
- Robin Hayes

When you're with your wife, you don't say I love you to your wife every day but the ways you look at her and your actions are another way to communicate. Don't focus on dialogue, only focus on what you're expressing.
- Michel Hazanavicius

Marriage is all about knowing the ins and outs and the intimate details, and your wife is supposed to be the person you know best. But my brother and I think alike, know everything about one another, and when we get together, we block everything else out. Nothing exists in our world except for us.
- Jon Heder

You may have married her, but she is mine. Do you think I shall let you take her? She may be ten times your wife, but, by God, you shall never have her
- Georgette Heyer

I comfort myself with the reflection that your wife will possibly be able to curb your desire--I admit, a natural one for the most part--to exterminate your fellows.
- Georgette Heyer

Be a father first. Don't put a priority of being a friend with your wife first, or a friend with your kids first.
- Hulk Hogan

First of all, as a man the most important thing you have in your life now is your child that you're carrying. That's it. Everything else comes second; personally, for me, other than your relationship with God and your wife.
- Allan Houston

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.
- Kin Hubbard

The temptation to second-guess is strong. But I must remember one thing.
Life is simple.
You are healthy or you are sick. You are faithful to your wife or you aren't. You are alive or you are dead.
I am alive.
- Greg Iles

I'm suggesting that you let someone inside that empty room you call a heart. Whether you make her your wife or your mistress, a man's bed is decidedly warmer if there's a fire burning in something other than his cock.
- Sabrina Jeffries

What baseball managers did do, on occasion, beginning in the early 1980s, was hire some guy who knew how to switch on the computer. But they did this less with honest curiosity than in the spirit of a beleaguered visitor to Morocco hiring a tour guide: pay off one so that the seventy-five others will stop trying to trade you their camels for your wife. Which one you pay off is largely irrelevant.
- Michael Lewis

I even smoke in bed. Imagine smoking a cigar in bed, reading a book. Next to your bed, there's a cigar table with a special cigar ashtray, and your wife is reading a book on how to save the environment.
- Raul Julia

-Hey, neighbor, is your wife free for a date today?
-No, I'm taking her out this afternoon?
-Great! Then you won't mind if I come over and mow your lawn. Sucker!
- Jarod Kintz

One clown sleeping in a car is not tragic. One clown sleeping with your wife in his cartragic. Especially if you're inside the tent enjoying the circus.
- Jarod Kintz

Keep your wife happy by living in a slightly nicer house than your neighbor. And you can do this by living in a poorer neighborhood than you ever imagined.
- Jarod Kintz

Don't kill your wifekill your wife's mother, and make it look like your wife did it.
- Jarod Kintz

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
- Groucho Marx

Smile at each other. Smile at your wife, smile at your husband, smile at your children, smile at each other- it doesn't matter who it is- and that will help to grow up in greater love for each other.
- Mother Teresa

Spread love everywhere you go: first of all in your own home. Give love to your children, to your wife or husband, to a next door neighbor... Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting.
- Mother Teresa

Men, you'll never be a good groom to your wife unless you're first a good bride to Jesus.
- Timothy Keller

Daily there have to be many troubles and trials in every house, city, and country. No station in life is free of suffering and pain, both from your own, like your wife or children or household help or subjects, and from the outside, from your neighbors and all sorts of accidental trouble.
- Martin Luther

If I came in to recruit your son, I would tell you, your wife, and your son, that I will be the most demanding coach your son can play for.
- Bobby Knight

Don't have to see," the pilot grunted. "Olga knows the way."
"Funny name for an aircraft," Grace commented. "Is it after your wife?"
"My gun."
Grace stared at him. "You named your plane after a gun?"
"It was a very good gun.
- Gordon Korman

If your wife locks you out of the house, you don't have a problem with your door.
- Anne Lamott

The best kind of kinky sex is to have kinky sex with your wife or husband, the person you love.
- Frank Langella

You can be cool and at the same time respect your woman, who will hopefully become your wife, who will hopefully become the mother of your kids. America needs to get back to family values.
- Martin Lawrence

You are not my wife yet, to concern yourself in my affairs."
"And when I am your wife?"
His conscience pricked him, making him snap, "You will learn not to question me."
-Royce to Corliss-
- Johanna Lindsey

But you know you're sounding like a jealous wife? Are you jealous, luv? I find that rather amusing, all things considered."
"Don't start laughing too soon, because I'm nothing of the sort."
"No?"
He was still grinning, prompting her to snap, "Your unexpected presence here smacks of jealousy as well, as in checking up on your wife, but you don't hear me accusing you of it."
"I believe you just did.
- Johanna Lindsey

If you were born in a country or at a time not only when nobody comes to kill your wife and your children, but also nobody comes to ask you to kill the wives and children of others, then render thanks to God and go in peace. But always keep this thought in mind: you might be luckier than I, but you're not a better person.
- Jonathan Littell

He fucked my wife!" George wailed. "He ruined my life!"
"Your wife was a goddamn whore!
- Barry Lyga

It's not a good idea to put your wife into a novel; not your latest wife anyway.
- Norman Mailer

You go to the hospital your wife's in labor and you're doing the thing, and then it's very disorienting and scary and you beat yourself up and you go through a whole period of 'woe is me' and then you realize that this a gift, this child is the light, and if you can nourish that light and just let it shine, you have an opportunity to get closer to what I think is God.
- John C Mcginley

Not much more can happen to you after you lose your reputation and your wife.
- John N Mitchell

One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear.
- J B Morton

Suffering sucks. Don't do it. Go home and love your wife. Go home and love yourself. Go home
and base your happiness on one thing and one thing only: freedom. Choose freedom, not suffering. Create a life of freedom, not wanting. Have some really good coffee and listen to the red-winged blackbirds in the marsh. Ignore the mosquitoes.
- Laura Munson

How do I feel today? I feel as unfit as an unfiddle,
And it is the result of a certain turbulence in the mind and an uncertain burbulence in the middle.
What was it, anyway, that angry thing that flew at me?
I am unused to banshees crying Boo at me.
Your wife can't be a banshee
Or can she?
- Ogden Nash

Seat assignment didn't matter if you're flying Dallas to Houston and you did it 38 times a day. People just got on, you didn't sit next to your wife, and it was a 45-minute flight. It didn't matter.
- David Neeleman

You may lose your wife, you may lose your dog, your mother may hate you. None of those things matter. What matters is that you achieve success and become free. Then you can do whatever you like.
- Kevin Oleary

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
- P J Orourke

...I don't know what marriages are like on your plane. I know Fae marriages can be all about respect and treating your wife like a lady. That's crap, love. You're my wife. I'm going to do all sorts of filthy things to you because you belong to me. You're my little toy. I'm going to fuck you as often as I can and in as many ways as my filthy mind can come up with. That's a strong marriage.
- Sophie Oak

The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife.
- David Ogilvy

Never show anger at slight,Tell nothing.Earn Respect from everyone by deeds,not Words.Respect the members of your Blood Family.Gambling was Recreation,Not a way to earn a Living.Love your Father,your Mother,
your Sister but beware of Loving any other Woman than your Wife.And a Wife was a woman who bore your Children.And once that happened to You,your Life was Forfeit to give them their daily bread
- Mario Puzo

The bottom line is, you love your wife, you do your best with that.
- Sean Penn

You know, grieve your wife, this is an impulsive thing and you have no idea the kind of trouble you're getting yourself into it. And of course he doesn't listen to me and he adopts this child.
- Oliver Platt

But now, for the first time, I see you are a man like me. I thought of your hand-grenades, of your bayonet, of your rifle; now I see your wife and your face and our fellowship. Forgive me, comrade. We always see it too late. Why do they never tell us that you are poor devils like us, that your mothers are just as anxious as ours, and that we have the same fear of death, and the same dying and the same agony--Forgive me, comrade; how could you be my enemy?
- Erich Maria Remarque

However near and dear to you may be your wife, children, friends, they are not you; they are outside of you.
- John Buchanan Robinson

Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you.
- Jean Rostand

When you've fallen from the sky, been abandoned by your friend, suffered police brutality, metamorphosed into a goat, lost your work as well as your wife, learned the power of hatred and regained human shape, what is there left to do but, as you would no doubt phrase it, demand your rights?
- Salman Rushdie

You left this house whenever you wanted to, and came back at your whim, and you never once thought that your wife would be the one to leave.
- Kyung Sook Shin

Every intentional thought, word, or deed-right now and in your past-it all makes you what you are today. Your choices, not your neighbor's or your wife's or you boyfriend's-your decisions determine your karma.
- Lucie Smoker

I always wanted my music to influence the life you were living emotionally - with your family, your lover, your wife, and, at a certain point, with your children.
- Bruce Springsteen

There is no such thing as being good to your wife.
- Gertrude Stein

You can forgive people who do not follow you through a philosophical disquisition; but to find your wife laughing when you had tears in your eyes, or staring when you were in a fit of laughter, would go some way towards a dissolution of the marriage.
- Robert Louis Stevenson

Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first.
- Billy Sunday

If you're married, and you have a wife, and you really love your wife, is it good enough to only say to your wife 'I love her' the day you get married? Or should you tell her every single day when you wake up and every opportunity? And that's how I feel about my relationship with Jesus Christ is that it is the most important thing in my life.
- Tim Tebow

If you are a married man resident in Cuba, you cannot get a passport to go to the next town without your wife's permission in writing.
- Edward Burnett Tylor

You can't stay married in a situation where you are afraid to go to sleep in case your wife might cut your throat.
- Mike Tyson